Gotta start somewhere

So I thought that I would start a blog about random things that pop in my head from time to time. I tend to forget these thoughts and it would be nice to come back and remember them.
So....where to start. Well, lately I've been thinking a lot about how difficult it is to find an attractive woman who would like  to be with me. The problem is, most women are fed up with men. All the lies, all the problems and frustrations. Fact is, not all men are the same. I, for one, am not like anyone else. I'm a deaf person. But I don't belong in the deaf community anymore than I fit with hearing people. Due to this it has opened my eyes as an outsider of sorts. A misfit stuck on the outside. I see how men can be and how they act and treat women. How many women I've seen that has given up on finding the right man. Now, as a man who has just settled with what came to me, I know that just settling for someone simply because you are lonely doesn't work. But being too picky also generates difficulties as well. We live in a world where you can't just have whoever you want whenever you want. I mean, I look at myself. I'm a good looking guy. I have a good head on my shoulders. I'm going to college and I'm trying to make a better life for myself. I don't do drugs and I don't drink constantly. I'm nice and sweet. I don't get into trouble or go looking for trouble. But when you look at all the good points then you have to ask why the hell am I single? Good question. It's simple. I'm not everything women want. Women want a man. When I say a man that means, a man who has everything in their life organized. They have a job, they work hard and play harder. Someone who doesn't mind getting dirty. A good ol' country boy would be a good example. This is where I'm lacking. I don't come off as a man to women. Sure, I'm attractive but once they see me, speak to me, they see the obvious flaws. I'm not like other men. Period. No, I'm not gay either. It's part the fact that I'm deaf. Dig deeper and you see that I'm not where I want to be in my life. I don't have a job. I'm on disability. I'm in college but I'm not graduating and seeking employment yet. I had a car till I wrecked it. That just made matters worse. What's really sad is it was my own fault. My own undoing. Like a lot of the things I've been through in my life. My past, present and future is tied together by one long string of bad decisions. Some decisions were based on good intentions. Other decisions were based on pure stupidity. Like my car accident. I was drinking, decided it was a good idea to drive home because it was cold and I didn't want to drive home. Baaaad idea! I'll never ever make that mistake again. Live and learn right? Problem is, I didn't just lose my car and license. I've postponed my graduation from college. I'm stuck walking everywhere I want to go. I now have no choice but to hope that one day soon I might meet a girl here in this damn town. Which will never happen. I'd love to meet a girl who was like me, even close. I'd love to meet someone who wanted to be with me simply because I make them smile. I'd love to meet a girl who I actually would be completely in love with. That girl, just doesn't exist. Not in this town. Not anywhere near here! Yeah I'm also guilty of being kinda choosy. I don't want some woman who is well over 300 pounds and/or over 45 years old! My preferences for a woman would be between the ages of 25 and 32, and weighed about 150ish. It would also be nice if they are pleasing to the eye. Who wants someone they have to put a bag over their head just to introduce them without being embarrassed? Now, yes I know this makes me sound like a douchebag but lets be honest. It really doesn't. I don't completely rule them out. Hell I've dated too many overweight women to count! I want something different. Something better. Something I believe that I deserve! I deserve to be happy right? Fact is, I don't know if such a woman exists. Cause for all the reasons that make me sound like a douche, women and men all over, are exactly the same way! The majority is far worse! Noone wants to hook up with a "fatty". Noone wants to hook up with someone who reminds you of your mother due to her age. I may not be young. I'm 36. I'm getting up there. But I'm not there yet! And I pray one day, I might meet the girl of my dreams, before I'm too old to enjoy it. I'm already getting there and I'm not getting any younger. Until then, I gotta keep working on becoming the man every real woman out there expects, because everything counts!